Sooooo.. these past few days, I have been feeling really insecure and unhappy about myself. I feel like I’ve gained weight, my face has been breaking out like crazy and I just can never seem to concentrate on anything! It’s so frustrating. I just got my face to clear up after the most deep and cystic acne I’ve ever had to deal with. I can see myself falling into the same patterns as before—not wanting to look in a mirror, not going in public places, always wearing makeup, etc. etc. I don’t want to fall in that funk.
When I’m in class, I look at all the girls around me and they all have beautiful skin. We had to take off all of our makeup today and it’s like these girls never had any on in the first place! Why?! How?! This is starting to have an effect with how I feel when I’m around Tommy. Tommy is extremely attractive; girls stare and give their numbers to him all the time. Yeah, it’s great. So I can’t help but think that people are wondering why he’s with a chubby, blemished young girl like me. And if things couldn’t get any worse, I just found out that his last “fling” goes to my school now. And I will be seeing her on days that I’m there now. How awesome. And what does she look like? Tall, skinny and has perfect skin. Ugh. It’s tough. It’s really tough to be confident these days. And I don’t want to be one of those superficial girls that can’t be happy because she feels fat or has acne, but the sad truth is that I am. I can’t be confident with myself and with talking to others unless I am happy with how I look.
I just remember how I felt a two years ago when I was going through something similar. I was in the worst depression of my life and I do not want to go back to that. I’m so afraid that I will and I’m trying so hard not to, but it’s so damn difficult.
I just want to be pretty like everyone else.